Hey there!!
It's me again. The obsessed wanna be a slim girl but still over weight. I'm proud to say that I'm snacking on fruits while I write this piece. Although the last 2 weeks didn't do much to change my shape, I still looked & felt fat. It's all my fault. I can't control my self when I see food in front of me. Our trainer keeps feeding us junk food and I couldn't help it but get my share. I could have just taken 1 bread and tried all the spread on a piece of that bread that I had during our pandesal party. I could have just taken 2 chocolate pretzels and a handful of nachos but didn't snack right and over ate again. I keep thinking that there must be something wrong. Why am I not too motivated? why can't I resist the food when it's available? why can't I eat less than what I would normally get when it's snack time? why can't I stop eating fast food?? why can't I stop stuffing food in my face when I'm not even hungry? why? why? why???? This week was awful and really hard for me. I struggled, went jogging for nothing, walked to and from work with sore aching legs, suffered teasing from my friends at work who saw me eating reminding me that I'm on diet. I hated my self!!! I had to do something about it.
I started watching videos about diets. Learned that diets aren't real coz it'll just put all the weight back when you stop (which is true, I was only skinny for a short time) and that I should have a change of life style which is more permanent. Watched a video blog about reasons to be a vegan and started crying about the things that the guy said about animals living a miserable life since birth and treated badly til they were slaughtered and cut to pieces to be cooked and eaten by most people. Then I went ahead and watched video's of slaughtering houses where cows, pigs and chickens are killed everyday for human food production. I think I may have seen too much animal cruelty for meat that it made me consider becoming a vegetarian. I have a very soft spot for animals even as a child I feel satisfied looking at them happy and living a good life the way it should be.
The first week of trying to be a vegan was really hard. I remember doing it for a month when I was younger but I stopped coz I had no reason. I just wanted to try it out. One day, I felt sick with all the food I ate before. I felt polluted inside and the smoking adds up to that ugly feeling. That day I gave up smoking, gave half pack of cigarettes to a smoker who doesn't even know how to smoke it right coz all she does is suck and blow the smoke. She thinks it's cool when she smokes but she doesn't know that she looked stupid coz she doesn't even know how to inhale it. Anyway, at least it won't do her too much damage to smoke all that in one day or two. On my way home, I stopped by a fruit stand and bought an orange, a pear, 2 apples and 8 bananas... I told my self, I'd rather fill my self up with these than having to digest animal parts and not feel good after that. I had fruits that day alright, but then I felt really hungry after cleaning up my house for the first time again after 5 months of not being at home. I bought chicken and pork BBQ sold by the neighbor down the road from where I live. Darn! I didn't feel good after that but at least I stopped smoking.
I thought about what I was doing and felt like it's not working out for me. I have to do something but not too drastic. A sudden change in my diet will not do the trick. I have to do it slowly but surely. So I thought maybe it's not right to immediately stop eating meat, coz keeping my self from eating it makes me want to eat it more. It took me 2 weeks to slowly accept that I can't eat beef and pork and I also stopped eating ice cream with all the fat in it. I made a list of food I can eat not what I cannot eat so I won't feel too bad about giving them up. I'm not dumb but I guess I've been acting stupid knowing that I've been eating really bad before and I didn't even care what it can do to my body. I had to use my common sense to eat right and not have to end up starving my self like I did before. In 1 week I only had lot's of fruits, veggies, some chicken and fish and for dessert I would get 0 fat yogurt than get an ice cream at McDonald's.
Next week, I'll try giving up rice or pasta on most days and have it once or twice a week. I've been searching the internet for some vegetarian dishes and sandwiches too coz I'd prefer eating that on a daily bassist. Maybe it would be nice to give up on fried food too coz I noticed I would easily get a pimple after eating fried food. To be honest I felt lighter now when I stopped eating beef and pork. Maybe it'll do me more wonders when I eat less carbs and oily food. Last week all I had was lettuce, cucumber, carrots, chicken sandwiches, fish, and fruits. I love how I feel now. I feel so much better inside plus I stopped smoking and I don't really like drinking soda. It's better to feel bloated with lettuce than carbonated drinks. I'm exited to weight my self next week and check how my skin is after giving up rice and fried food. I so love this new lifestyle. It's healthy, smart and it's sexy. I'll start running with Aimee tomorrow morning after our night shift. Rob, your probably reading this now. I know how you are when your reading my thoughts. You just love dissecting me... =^_^=
